Tuesday, October 27, 2009


"Knock,Knock!" "Who's there?" "Boo!"... "Boo who?"... "Oh quit cryin' or I'm not playing this game anymore!"


The time is nigh. Halloween is upon us and folks are figurin' out what to wear to the costume party. So, in the "spirit" of the season, might we bow and recall that on this occasion, it is 70 years ago that our beloved CHAPPELL HILL CAFE came to be and has provided our LOVELY VILLAGE with cheerful smiles, good food and the small town barometer of who's good and who's bad! If ever in doubt, "Are you a Good Witch or a Bad Witch?" take a seat at 70 our beloved CHAPPELL HILL CAFE and you will soon know. It will be apparent by the temperature of your coffee and how high the waitresses have arched their backs.

Now, I'm informed that 70 our beloved CHAPPELL HILL CAFE ,is, in fact, HAUNTED! A ghost's movements are captured in a framed picture that is hung on a wall of the Cafe wandering the restaurant. A friendly ghost, called "Floyd", fondly so it would seem, making sure Mikey was tending the books properly and keepin' customers satisfied. Meanwhile Floyd's keepin' the waitresses somewhat nervous. Our DEAR FRIEND EMILY (AKA Sissy) has made peace with this phantom and they have come to an understanding as to the mutual beneficial interest in the continuing success of the Cafe and marking Big Mike's behavior.

When all this came to light last Sunday after church, our collective souls proportionally saved, all things considered, the scutter began.

"Pass the salt, and we need more butter" could be heard around the nearby tables as the tales were told. Turns out, there are more than a few haunted places in OUR LOVELY VILLAGE. Eyes began to dart downwards and people were speaking in whisper. Some claim to have video surveillance tape of a ghost haunting a well known bank, and a house of fine repute, graced with TLC and refinement but sports a ghost.

I can't blame the dead. I love it here in our Lovely Village Respecting Chickens. We have more churches per capita than most towns and no shortage of cemeteries. Fertile grounds for those who prefer sheets to a pair of Wranglers. If I were a ghost, rather than a ghost writer, I'd stick around and would dang sure be rattling chains in somebody's attic. I even wrote, as a ghost writer, for a time for two retired OSHA attorneys with several publications including Chain Link Fence Monthly. It took every bit of my creativity to make that subject interesting. You could say I was the "GHOSTESS WITH THE MOSTESS".

There's a difference between being haunted and hosting a ghost. One just follows you around and the other makes you crazy for your Dirty Deeds. Either way, its a ghost and you have to come to terms with your own special spector. Its not enough to throw a white sheet over it and call it Casper.

Stop in at the CHAPPELL HILL CAFE next time your around; say hello to Sissy, Sandra and Kathy and tip your hat to "Floyd". As long as he's around, nobody will be spittin' in your tea, least not out loud! And he's keepin' Mike in line, maybe even a straight one on occasion. Emily has a friend in poor old Floyd and in spite of claims of the "super"-"natural", she is loved by all.




Saturday, October 24, 2009

SOY SAUCE!!! Mao Tse Tung-in-Cheek


A few days ago I contacted MY DEAR HUSBAND just before he embarked on his journey home from the wilds of the work force and nearly frightened him with those dreaded words, "Hey! I've got an idea!"

I had this intense craving for Chinese food, real Chinese food, of which Our Lovely Village is glaringly without. Pot stickers!, Fried Rice!, Kung Pao Chicken! Spicy Orange Beef! Egg Rolls! Hot and Sour Soup! Won Tons! YUM! So, panting and salivating like a pregnant woman in dire need of pickles and pistachio ice cream, I prevailed upon him to bring home some Chinese take-out. I anxiously honed and whittled our chopsticks in anticipation of the taste and aroma. Checking to make sure we had plenty of Soy Sauce, it occured to me; Yeah, Perfect! The old Robbies could be a Chinese food restaurant! Surely, "Sum Yung Guy" could make a go of it and Hey! They could even "Wok Around the Block" for delivery to us Villagers who've been deprived of the Asian fare. It seems almost fool proof!

As we casually dined on our Chinese take-out, our momentary bliss was blown by the stunning appearance on television of Anita Dunn, the 'acting' Chief White House Communications Advisor giving an address at some sort of commencement. Now I will tell you that its just darn near impossible to get between me and my pot stickers. In fact, I love them so much MY DEAR HUSBAND and I once lured the children to our favorite Chinese haunt and we challenged them to see who could eat the most of them. Great fun! The jury is still out on who actually won, depending on who you ask.

But on this night, as we watched Anita Dunn drooling over her favorite philosophers, Mao and Mother Theresa, I must confess, I dropped my dumpling. ( much to the delight of my beloved Dawg).

First off, that is, at the very least, a really weird combination. I doubt there's a Chinese restaurant, or any other for that matter, hawking such a combo platter. Lemme see; okay, first we torture them, kill off the ones we can and then minister to them and tell them God loves them and they are precious creatures. Ms. Dunn is, shall we say, confused, at best. But because her idiocy cost me a dumpling, I am thinking more along the lines of a psychological disorder. Not only what she said was strange but her delivery was suspicious. Talk about "Take-Out"!

Now we learn that Our Fearless Leader and Champion of Change will soon be heading to Asia. There is a fierce debate over what type of souvenir there will be for this trip. Talk swirling about Mao-Bama T-shirts and posters of Obama in a communist uniform. I suppose the possibilities are endless and a few folks will most likely make a few bucks on the whole thing. But if you come across a T-shirt that suits you just right, check the tag and see if it says Made in China, it might sway your decision.

As far as the idea for a Chinese Food Restaurant at the old Robbies site, I still think it could work. They'll have to get creative with the menu..."The Mao-Bama Special", "The Mao/Mother Deluxe", "Socialism Soup with a Side of Tender Theresa". And at the end of your meal, they could provide the complimentary "Mis-Fortune" cookies.

I can't wait! But then I grew up in town where some of the best BBQ was found at a joint called Gingus Khan BBQ. No kidding. I think its still there.



Thursday, October 8, 2009


Recently, my DEAR HUSBAND and I had our humble abode repainted. A nice, fresh coat of white paint, It really spruced the place up...a relatively inexpensive improvement with a simple case of white washing.

Speaking of improvements, hats off to the new owners of the former Wichita House on Main Street. A really nice job! The rest of us VILLAGERS are hoping for an Open House soon, crested jacket required of course to visit House of Im! (Just kidding!) Besides, I checked with JC Penny, Palaise Royal and even Wal-Mart in our friendly, nearby town of Brenham and there apparently has been a run on those jackets.They were all out.

I suspect there are quite a few health care providers, pharmacists, doctors, PA's, LVN's and so on who must be finding themselves a little short on Lab Coats, given the boundless yet insulting latest effort by Our Fearless Champion of CHANGE providing Dr.'s Lab Coats to any and all attending the press conference on the Sacred Lawn in our Nation's Capital in support of Obama-Care.

This man has no shame and an unprecendented kind of arrogance thinking we could be fooled by this stunt. First off, he was flanked by two Docs in lab coats who are known to be among his largest campaign contributors. Over the top obvious in my view. Might he have considered spreading his "message" by giving out free flu shots instead? I mean, we're All For One and One For All!, right? It reminds me of when your friends or family go to some dream vacation spot and were thoughtful enough to bring you a souvenir T-shirt. Imagine its slogan: "ShakIraqADillyac went to the Press Conference for Obama-Care and all I got was a lousy lab coat".

See, now I'm feeling confused. Is it the Green House or the White House? Or are we supposed to wear a (lab)coat of many colors and try to blend in. Maybe its my bent mind, but I'm watching the coverage of this press conference and I see Mr. Obama, head held high in what seemed too close to a sea of white lab coats; KKK's minus the hoods and burning stakes. "Come on in folks! Get your free lab coat, right here! Lab coats for Lab Rats!" Of course, based on recent revelations regarding the Czarahhrea in the not-so-white house, reviewing the white jackets abounding near the rose garden, there doesn't appear to be a "straight jacket" in the bunch.

My father practiced real medicine for 55 years; often it cost him more to treat his patients than he could earn due to the Guvmint medalling in health-care. He never minded, he often accepted a crate of home grown grapefruit or tomatoes or something else that came off the patient's farm. Instead of Pro-duce, today, he might be offered an iPod loaded with "Rap Sheeets" or something. I can feel him spinning in his grave.

Some of you might remember the old TV commercial for cold medicine or aspirin or something featuring a nice looking actor, popular at the time, and he opens the ad by saying, "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV". Might've been Marcus Welby or something, but I'll go no further as to avoid dating myself other than to speak longingly towards stethoscopes, of all colors.

White paint should be reserved for picket fences and old houses, not for walk-ins on the D.C. set. I have to believe this will all come out in "the wash" in time. Then we can concentrate on stain removal.



Saturday, October 3, 2009


As a child, I can remember being afraid of certain things, mostly imaginary and did not actually reside beneath the bed or lurk within the closet.

As I aged, ungracefully I might add, I found a new fear. CROWS-FEET! Those little lines around the eyes that tell the tale of not only your years but your experience. Some call them wisdom lines, others call them laugh lines...well-earned.

Thankfully, we, in our MOST LOVELY VILLAGE Respecting Chickens, have an annual opportunity to celebrate and enjoy THE SCARECROW FESTIVAL!

How happy to see the Scarecrows stuffed and propped along Main Street in anticipation and welcome for visitors; Vendors hawking their wares and goods, folks milling about, enjoying the advent of Autumn.

However, amongst our celebration and joy of our ScareCrow Festival...Might we remember that the ScareCrow is intended to 'SHOOOO' the black crows that seek to pillage the seeds gracious farmers have sown for another year's harvest. Thus, the necessity of the SCARECROW. The Scarecrow's job was to ward off the invasion of crops by black birds. Adorned in old and colorful clothing, stuffed with hay, propped and poised to stand vigilant against these errant fowls. Our dear departed friend, Alfred Hitchcock, can remind us all of "birds pissed off".

One must wonder, how our latest "Regulatory" Czar with a faux fur Disneyesque animal rights agenda will reconcile this issue while advocating all animals must have the right to an attorney and representation in cases of alleged abuse and horrifically, the opportunity to defend and defy euthanasia. Without opposable thumbs, how will these blessed creatures be able to invoke their right to one phone call? For that matter, lacking the funds to travel to court they even lack the requisite limb to hitchhike their way to the halls of justice. Only to be tarred and feathered.

And if required to testify, will these poor creatures be tied to an interpretor that might just collapse claiming ,"I can't take it (fake it) anymore!" What will we do if we need to provide 'End of Life' Counseling in Barkology or Meowism? Further, will the sufferers of a "simian cleft" be denied treatment for reasons of genus or species?

Finally, there remains the question whether a Village Respecting Chickens can coexist with scardy crows or will there only be room for one rooster in the new regulatory regime? Just exactly who is the cock of the walk?

Make no mistake, I love the SCARECROW FESTIVAL!!! And
I intend to be there with bells on! Come along and enjoy! These wonderful Fall days are fleeting and we need to notice its visitation. See Ya There!