FELLOW VILLAGERS:
It is with deep sadness I must inform you that I, my very mayoral self, have been victimized by a computer hacker. It started with a false email sent to me from "windows live members services team" advising me that my email account would be permantly cancelled if I did not verify and confirm pertinent information. This hacker has hijacked my email and is puported to advance his sinister ambition towards my bank account and credit card. Being the ever gulible,trusting soul that I am, I responded. Needless to say, I am among the jaded, walking wounded.
However, I persevere. Despite the impending demise of my stint as Mayor of Chappell Hill, and I do hope you all donate generously to the CHVFD for the cause, I will continue to provide you with humorous, if not sometimes meaningless entertainment.
From here forth, you may reach me at this email address: gensbigstep@hotmail.com. And the blog is still virginal and remains the same: chappellhillmayor.blogspot.com. However, once I am de-throned, That address may have to be changed.
Unless, of course, there emerges a ground-swelling, grass-roots, tea party movement to invite me to a second term. (HINT-HINT)!
The Bluebonnet Festival was, by all accounts, a huge success! And the vendors, patrons and wildflowers did not disappoint! Hot dogs, Kettle Corn, Lemonade...I was puffed up like a sea frog!
Also, I must add, the Kingfisher Ranch provided an additional festival of perfect proportion. My DEAR HUSBAND and I participated in the armadillo race (of course I won, despite DEAR HUSBAND'S attempt to sabbotage and cripple my armadillo).
I passed on Larry the Camel Guy ride, DEAR HUSBAND took a wild spin at break-neck speed on the souped-up, tricked-out ATV with His Most Gracious Former Royal Air Force Pilot, Sir Roger Imm and the curtain call was the indelible sight of Sir Imm spiraling his airboat across the place. It made me so nervous, I feared I might hurl my BBQ sandwich. But the MOST PLEASUARBLE Mrs. Paula Imm, said, "Ah! That's nothin'...He was one of the first pilots on the scene after the twin towers fell and landed on practically nothing but rubble!"
If you don't already know these folks, do so. Amazing, interesting people. Part of the reason our MOST BEAUTIFUL VILLAGE is so fascinating! And a great place to live and breathe freely.
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Saturday, April 17, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
ITS IN THE AIR!!
Fellow villagers:
The time is nye. Festivals, picnics, tourists brandishing cameras and BLUEBONNETS!!!! Reach deeply into your compassionate hearts for the sadly overlooked and mostly disregarded Indian Paint Brushes; always the bridesmaid, never the bride but most beautiful,and this year we have extra.
Also in the air, is a bumper crop of Pollen...cars, streets are covered with it and I have yet to have a conversation with anyone that's not interrupted by a few sneezes, a scratchy throat and watering eyes. I, myself, suffered severely swollen, watery, itchy eyes after an afternoon tending my garden, horses, goats, donkeys, cats and dogs. I looked like I'd been in a prize fight and didn't win the purse nor the belt. Fashionably disastrous!
The good news is that folks are out and about in this lovely weather and enjoying our MOST WONDERFUL VILLAGE. Our Beloved CHAPPELL HILL CAFE will be buzzing, tending most cheerfully to the vast array of visitors, from bikers to beat-nicks, cowboys to cheerleaders and the unknown masses sporting jeweled flip-flops and wheeled suitcases to ferry their chosen arty-facts from the festival to the mini-van. And then back again.
Our dear friend Mike will have to do double time to crank out enough "Teckla Original" sausage. But don't feel sorry for him, he loves it and his most beautiful wife, Emily, will be there ever at his side with a sharp eye and focus on customer satisfaction
Also in the air, love. Our stallion, Moose, is loose and back with his 'wimmin', Amadeus "Goat-zart" is back out courting his herd of girly-goats. The mares are foaling precious babies, six or seven so far. My DEAR HUSBAND even has a small glint in his eye!
The only draw-back is my cat, Sweet Melissa, who is also effervescing in the season of love and keeps me up at night with her caterwauling plea for a mate.
"EVERYBODY NEEDS SOMEBODY SOMETIME".
Enjoy this wonderful weekend at the festivals, the gatherings, the cafe...because, trust me on this, we'll be bitchin' in August!
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Sunday, March 28, 2010
HOW MUCH IS THAT BAND-AID IN THE WINDOW?
HOW MUCH IS THAT BAND-AID IN THE WINDOW?
FELLOW VILLAGERS:
Today I hitched a ride to town to get my hair cut and buy some band-aids. Since I have been a-foot of late, I've got myself a couple of blisters. Long story, another time.
Thankfully, with a little salve and band-aids these little abrasions will heal rapidly.
The bigger blisters require bandages and salve not readily available. And they reside, most uncomfortably, not on my body, but on my mind, a collective mind, from the chaffing and rubbing that has occurred in our Nation. I guess we could try to stitch the wounds up, but I suspect it require surgical staples instead.
N-Kay. So here we are. I still at least still have the "FREEDOM" to choose from the variety of band-aids. The salve is, of course, optional. At least, so far. Am I soon to be required to purchase salve in addition to my band-aids? Oh, and should I happen to pass some uncertain, unfortunate, hapless stranger with a paper cut on his/her finger on my way out, am I required by law to freely distribute and share my band-aids? And what about the salve? The salve might be considered a luxury, probably falls into the category of Specialist Medical Treatment, preserved only for the affluent. The good folks at Neo-Sporin must be bitin' their nails!
Just what in Jimmeny Crickets is going on!? Well, that's really a rhetorical question. The Right Reverend Al Sharpton and the unfortunately afflicted with perennial FOOT-IN-MOUTH DISEASE..(is that covered or pre-existing?) VP Joe Biden both answered that question for us. And poor Nancy Pelosi, will we have to pay for her inevitable Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from waving and wielding that lumber jack gavel in her moment of fame. Is Tunnel Vision covered?
Speaking of insurance coverage; is anybody taking out a life insurance policy on the Constitution Its on a respirator and somebody's got their foot on the hose. If you take a quiet moment you can hear its final gasps for breath and life. The skeleton staff at the guv-ment run hospital are scrambling and responding to "CODE BLUE". But before they can break out the defibrillator paddles and gun 'em up, they have to stop and wait for Guvmint approval. Meanwhile the patient lies dying from lack of oxygen and cardiac arrest.
Of course this is a metaphor. But what if it were you, your wife, husband, father, mother child? Perhaps your toddler made its way mistakenly into the swimmin' pool at your apartment complex, not breathing and turning blue, will you have to wait for some foot soldier to answer the "Bat Phone" to give the go ahead to instigate life saving measures? Or might that just be too costly, best to send in the END OF LIFE COUNSELORS; THE CZARS OF EVERGREEN..And at that point, hypothetically, does this EOL Task Force counsel the dead one or are the surviving family members just collateral damage? Oooh!~ An opportunity: The Czar of After-Life Counseling. Chief Czar of Post Mortem...Now accepting applications. Commission based salary, no benefits.
Make no mistake...I am not without compassion for those cannot afford insurance. However, as the old saying goes:" You give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day,TEACH a man to fish and he can eat forever"....(well, that is, unless if we let those little minnows suffer) And, of course, let us not overlook those amongus who'd 'just a-ssune' NOT carry insurance, stay beneath the radar and avail themselves to the rensentful charity of Mercy Hospital ER.
Thankfully, with a little salve and band-aids these little abrasions will heal rapidly.
The bigger blisters require bandages and salve not readily available. And they reside, most uncomfortably, not on my body, but on my mind, a collective mind, from the chaffing and rubbing that has occurred in our Nation. I guess we could try to stitch the wounds up, but I suspect it require surgical staples instead.
N-Kay. So here we are. I still at least still have the "FREEDOM" to choose from the variety of band-aids. The salve is, of course, optional. At least, so far. Am I soon to be required to purchase salve in addition to my band-aids? Oh, and should I happen to pass some uncertain, unfortunate, hapless stranger with a paper cut on his/her finger on my way out, am I required by law to freely distribute and share my band-aids? And what about the salve? The salve might be considered a luxury, probably falls into the category of Specialist Medical Treatment, preserved only for the affluent. The good folks at Neo-Sporin must be bitin' their nails!
Just what in Jimmeny Crickets is going on!? Well, that's really a rhetorical question. The Right Reverend Al Sharpton and the unfortunately afflicted with perennial FOOT-IN-MOUTH DISEASE..(is that covered or pre-existing?) VP Joe Biden both answered that question for us. And poor Nancy Pelosi, will we have to pay for her inevitable Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from waving and wielding that lumber jack gavel in her moment of fame. Is Tunnel Vision covered?
Speaking of insurance coverage; is anybody taking out a life insurance policy on the Constitution Its on a respirator and somebody's got their foot on the hose. If you take a quiet moment you can hear its final gasps for breath and life. The skeleton staff at the guv-ment run hospital are scrambling and responding to "CODE BLUE". But before they can break out the defibrillator paddles and gun 'em up, they have to stop and wait for Guvmint approval. Meanwhile the patient lies dying from lack of oxygen and cardiac arrest.
Of course this is a metaphor. But what if it were you, your wife, husband, father, mother child? Perhaps your toddler made its way mistakenly into the swimmin' pool at your apartment complex, not breathing and turning blue, will you have to wait for some foot soldier to answer the "Bat Phone" to give the go ahead to instigate life saving measures? Or might that just be too costly, best to send in the END OF LIFE COUNSELORS; THE CZARS OF EVERGREEN..And at that point, hypothetically, does this EOL Task Force counsel the dead one or are the surviving family members just collateral damage? Oooh!~ An opportunity: The Czar of After-Life Counseling. Chief Czar of Post Mortem...Now accepting applications. Commission based salary, no benefits.
Make no mistake...I am not without compassion for those cannot afford insurance. However, as the old saying goes:" You give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day,TEACH a man to fish and he can eat forever"....(well, that is, unless if we let those little minnows suffer) And, of course, let us not overlook those amongus who'd 'just a-ssune' NOT carry insurance, stay beneath the radar and avail themselves to the rensentful charity of Mercy Hospital ER.
My guess is we're headin' for lock-step, lock-up or Loch Ness Monster. Buckle -up friends, the ride's gonna get bumpier, as in the words of our wise law enforment officials "Click it or Ticket". Drive safely and be careful in them waters! And remember, a small blister can be a painful thorn in a mighty lion's paw.
And what about those pesky Polar Bears? Not only are their glacier pods melting, they're grabbin' up all the salmon!! And the Penguins are now morphing as well! They've shed their normal tuxedo attire and now are sporting all black feathers. True story. They look rather funerial. Talk about lock-step!
Everything's gonna be okay.
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Sunday, January 24, 2010
TAKE A WALK ON THE WILDLIFE SIDE

Fellow Villagers:
Somebody go run and fetch us a big, ten-gallon, white hat for Mr. Charles McDaniel and a sporty, more fashionable one for his beautiful wife Lana! Outstanding host and hostess for the Wildlife Conservation Committee of the Chappell Hill Chamber of Commerce meeting, "Partners, Parcels and Persistence: Keys in Restoring Quail Habitat" on Saturday at their ranch, High Meadows, in Chappell Hill, a place that can only be described as heavenly.
Nice, large turn out, close to 100 good folks with one goal in mind, to regenerate the wildlife in Washington County, particulary the the Bobwhite quail. The Committee was formed to promote responsible land stewardship with regard to complimentary agricultural and conservation practices. A core Committee goal is the retention and reintroduction of native wildlife species including Bobwhite Quail, the Eastern Turkey and species of migratory waterfowl. The Committee hopes to bring together like minded people in a collaborative effort. This seminar was one of a series of seminars that will be hosted by the Committee during 2010. Attendees were asked at registration to express their interest in a number of potential seminar topics and the Committee is very pleased to see that there indeed is interest in a number of the Committee's proposed topics for 2010. The next Committee meeting will be held on February 16th at 6:30 PM at the Chappell Hill Volunteer Fire Department.
The guest speakers did a fine job in their presentations, which included dissecting previously frozen quail with latex gloves and surgical scissors. Special mention to Dr. James C. Cathay, Biologist, Texas A&M, "Quail Biology & Management", Mr. Larry Pierce, Washington County Extension Agent, "Understanding Quail Inside and Out Necropsy,Mrs. Stephanie Damron, Texas Parks & Wildlife, "Working With Neighbors and Wildlife Associations".I admit I had to skip the necropsy part. Just bring me mine cooked, on a plate, with green beans and mashed potatoes and a large tea. I really don't need quite that level of intimate knowledge of a quail but there were plenty in the crowd who participated in the experience and now I know who to call if I ever need a quail cleaned and who not to give a pair of scissors to. For a brief moment, the place looked like a triage unit, each with their dead quail and scissoring away. In the corner, there was a cage with several live quail...they seemed kinda nervous.
Special thanks to Johnny and Carolyn Kopycinski, David and Geneva Smith, Chappell Hill Bank, Becky and Rodney Hanath, Lana and Charlie McDaniel, Barbara and Howard Schultz, Tom and Dixie Stevens and the Washington County Wildlife Association for their generous donations and sponsorship and all the volunteers for such a well organized, educational event. The Committee's one regret was the inability to trap a wild hog for "Chef Donna" to prepare for the seminar lunch. That shortcoming has been promised to be rectified for the next event! Long as we don't have to skin it!
Also a big thank-ya to Mr. David Chisholm of Rocking C Ranches for providing his out-of this-world, all natural beef from choice cuts of Black Angus; no hormones, no antibiotics, 100% native grass fed. As a former cheeseburger aficionado, I can tell you there IS a difference! Fast food burgers rapidly evaporated from my memory after one bite of Mr. Chisholms's all natural hamburger meat. What was I ever thinking, let alone putting in my body, from those drive-thru joints? Mr. Chisholm is readily available at www.RockingCRanches.com. Our own beloved Bever's Kitchenfeatures his top quality beef as well as other dining establishments. Our dear friend Alejandra Ray, head Chef and Owner of Bever's Kitchen, swears by Mr. Chisholm's beef and it is now featured in all her beef dishes. At the risk of dating myself, a while back there was a TV commercial featuring a cranky grandma complaining about a burger chain and her quote was "Where's the Beef"?
Well, to old granny and to everyone else, I can tell you exactlly where the beef is: David Chisholm's 100% natural black angus choice cuts, double ground. I urge you to contact him and place your order. Once you taste it, you will never think about beef the same way. In an attempt to lower cholesterol, my Dr. said, "Lay off the cheeseburgers!" But this beef has about as much cholesterol as chicken! I could even have one for breakfast, but I guess that's overboard.
It is so heartening to see neighbors and friends in a collective effort, and this is a really good one. That's one the best things about living in our Beautiful Village. We really can pull together for a good cause and I, for one, treasure the friends and neighbors I have out here. I strongly urge you to support this effort. You'll make some great friends and you won't be be disappointed.
Once again, big thanks to the McDaniels and the committee members and all the volunteers for a great event.
Oh, and by the way, that spectacular German Shepherd puppy at the McDaniel's....If her precious self should turn up missing; "I swear it wasn't me (bark, bark), "What dog?, Hush, puppy...(bark, bark).."oh, no, that's my parrot, he mimics German Shepherds. I'll sure keep an eye out for her, (wink, wink)". I guess I'll have to make do with the Glamour Shot I took of her! Just beautiful!
Thanks again to all involved.
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Sunday, January 3, 2010
TOP TEN: 2010!

Fellow Villagers:
Remember when we used to belly-laugh at David Letterman's Top Ten List before we got too old to stay up that late and before his recent scoundrel escapade with sorted staff members? And how 'bout that Tiger Woods! Nine wasn't enough, so he played somewhere close to eighteen holes! (Decorum prevents me from the obvious punchline). Sponsors droppin' like flies; perhaps he can pick a new sponsor: Tiagra! Perhaps Mr. Woods could find opportunity in China, it, after all, is ,the Year of the Tiger over there. Although, I think it would be wise for him to avoid restaurants, Chinese or otherwise. Maybe we should send the soon-to-be former Mrs. Woods to DC and make her the Czar of Pig Patrol. She could speak softly and carry a driver to help eradicate pigs!
And ladies, who among us can ever erase the indelible tattoo of Bo Derek jogging near naked, in slow motion, on the beach in the movie "TEN" that sticks in our husbands' minds. What was up with those hair beads and feathers and Ravel's Bolero? Hollywood created the feeling of instant inadequacy in us regular girls with that flick!
Then there was that once famous country music star, David Allen Coe, a renegade and round-about known for very rowdy concerts, who sung to sold out crowds and lamented he once was so mad he "could eat a Ten penny nail and spit out a barbed wire fence". I remember nearly being arrested at one of his concerts in North Carolina because I needed to visit the bathroom and dared to try to walk up the aisle during the performance. My friend and I were escorted back to our seats and told to stay there until the concert ended. The badges on the sheriffs glistened in the bank of the stage lights, so we crossed our legs, tightly, and toughed it out. Our back teeth were about to float, but we made it without incident and eventually got back home to our scholastic residence in Virginia.
The TEN Commandments! Poor ol' Charlton Heston, wherever his soul resides, must be grateful that Alzheimer's claimed his memory and his life so even if he did witness all this hullabaloo over displaying the TEN Commandments, he wouldn't remember it. 'Course, if you grew up like me, you know we had the TEN Commandments memorized by First grade and occasionally abandoned one or two of them in the TENTH grade. (Yes, I went to prep school and even college(s). Just didn't get that TEN Commandments thing nailed back down until a few bumps and spills later.) At the Mount Calvary Baptist Church, where my dear departed nanny attended every Sunday with a big, loud hat, they used to say,"Now, Child, Remember, 'Moses Knowses' and he's good friends with God!". Used to scare the daylights out of us young, white kids. Oh, in case you forgot, the TENTH Commandment forbidds coveting your neighbor's house, wife, male servant, female servant, ox, donkey, new carpeting, lawn mower, BBQ pit, potholders, secret family recipes, health insurance and so forth. In short, don't leer wantingly at anything you don't have. Could be important as many are already doing with less than others.
Be glad your babies came out with all TEN toes and TEN fingers. And nevermind that awful chainsaw accident, at least they started out in tact.
The TENTH state to join the Union was Vermont. The TENTH President of The United States was William Henry Harrison. The TEN dollar bill features Alexander Hamilton. Next time you need to break a twenty, ask for two Lincolns and a Hamilton and watch the confused expression on your young, pubescent server's face.
And now today, in 2010 what's even scarier is the battle over our Constitutional rights. Of particular note, the TENTH Amendment, which declares that:
“The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people”.
With over 30 States affirming their rights under the 10th Amendment, the original intent of which was to limit the size and power of the Federal government (AKA Feral Guvmint), a showdown is brewing between the Fed and the States and the People. While a few “Rino” scallywags debate whether it is constitutional for one State, Nebraska via Senator Nelson, to receive a disproportionate “share” of the Feral Guvmint’s “largesse”, AKA taxpayer debt, a much broader question looms large!
Does the Feral Guvmint have the authority to force sovereign citizens to buy anything but of immediate great importance, health insurance?
From the August Senator’s website biography it states:
“As a young man at the University of Nebraska - Lincoln, Ben Nelson spent his Sundays serving as a lay minister to rural Nebraska congregations. Foreshadowing his future in public service, Nelson chose law school over the ministry. He earned a bachelor’s degree in 1963, a master’s degree in 1965 and a law degree from the University of Nebraska in 1970.
Following his time as a student, Nelson enjoyed a successful career in insurance law. He served as CEO of the Central National Insurance Group, as chief of staff and executive vice president of the National Association of Insurance Commissioners, and as director of the Nebraska Department of Insurance.”
Now that’s where the rubber meets the road, another attorney turned “Law-Maker” representing the insurance cartel plucking the low hanging fruit of political cronyism. Maybe just another case of political “Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered”.
Any wonder why we are seeing more bumper stickers advocating Secession messages in plain view of the apparent rapid elimination of our rights? Think about it.
Honestly, I am happy to wave goodbye to 2009. It was not a good year on many levels, both personally and nationally. But I have high hopes for 2010. It may get worse before it gets better but at least we know what we're made of and can pull through. 2009 was about bad luck and mistaken ideals. Think about ol' Moses and everything he endured! He treked up the mountain for that stone tablet and then dropped it. Who knows, maybe there were thirteen Commandments and they were edited out! He survived that bizarre Burning 'Bush' thing, (so did we), His staff turned into a snake, (Hello Congress!) and he had to deal with that terrible Red Sea. Is it safe to say we can hear the waves of our own Red Sea in the not-too-distant future? Tune up your Jet-Ski friends, its gonna be a bumpy ride!
Perhaps Obama was unintentionally right. We do need CHANGE, and not the Lincoln or Hamilton kind, sadly that is becoming almost worthless as well. It is my personal view that his call for "change we can believe in" may come back to bite him, in the end, so to speak, because many folks indeed want things to change, but believe it will have to start with a deep house cleaning project/movement in Washington, DC. and a stiff drink with the backbone of our Constitutional rights.
So, here's to you all. Have a Happy New Year! Be safe and sound. Love your family and remember your neighbors, you never know when we might need each other. And if you find yourself frustrated, red-faced and angry and out of patience with the whole thing, do as my Treasured Mother says," Sit down and count to TEN". Keep your ears to the ground. The 10th Amendment is rumored to be the Big Issue in 2010 and the rumbling has already begun, particularly if that lawsuit goes foward in South Carolina.
Ugh! my Treasured Mother is right! I gotta sit down and count to 10! I inTENdto stay positive.
And now today, in 2010 what's even scarier is the battle over our Constitutional rights. Of particular note, the TENTH Amendment, which declares that:
“The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people”.
With over 30 States affirming their rights under the 10th Amendment, the original intent of which was to limit the size and power of the Federal government (AKA Feral Guvmint), a showdown is brewing between the Fed and the States and the People. While a few “Rino” scallywags debate whether it is constitutional for one State, Nebraska via Senator Nelson, to receive a disproportionate “share” of the Feral Guvmint’s “largesse”, AKA taxpayer debt, a much broader question looms large!
Does the Feral Guvmint have the authority to force sovereign citizens to buy anything but of immediate great importance, health insurance?
From the August Senator’s website biography it states:
“As a young man at the University of Nebraska - Lincoln, Ben Nelson spent his Sundays serving as a lay minister to rural Nebraska congregations. Foreshadowing his future in public service, Nelson chose law school over the ministry. He earned a bachelor’s degree in 1963, a master’s degree in 1965 and a law degree from the University of Nebraska in 1970.
Following his time as a student, Nelson enjoyed a successful career in insurance law. He served as CEO of the Central National Insurance Group, as chief of staff and executive vice president of the National Association of Insurance Commissioners, and as director of the Nebraska Department of Insurance.”
Now that’s where the rubber meets the road, another attorney turned “Law-Maker” representing the insurance cartel plucking the low hanging fruit of political cronyism. Maybe just another case of political “Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered”.
Any wonder why we are seeing more bumper stickers advocating Secession messages in plain view of the apparent rapid elimination of our rights? Think about it.
Honestly, I am happy to wave goodbye to 2009. It was not a good year on many levels, both personally and nationally. But I have high hopes for 2010. It may get worse before it gets better but at least we know what we're made of and can pull through. 2009 was about bad luck and mistaken ideals. Think about ol' Moses and everything he endured! He treked up the mountain for that stone tablet and then dropped it. Who knows, maybe there were thirteen Commandments and they were edited out! He survived that bizarre Burning 'Bush' thing, (so did we), His staff turned into a snake, (Hello Congress!) and he had to deal with that terrible Red Sea. Is it safe to say we can hear the waves of our own Red Sea in the not-too-distant future? Tune up your Jet-Ski friends, its gonna be a bumpy ride!
Perhaps Obama was unintentionally right. We do need CHANGE, and not the Lincoln or Hamilton kind, sadly that is becoming almost worthless as well. It is my personal view that his call for "change we can believe in" may come back to bite him, in the end, so to speak, because many folks indeed want things to change, but believe it will have to start with a deep house cleaning project/movement in Washington, DC. and a stiff drink with the backbone of our Constitutional rights.
So, here's to you all. Have a Happy New Year! Be safe and sound. Love your family and remember your neighbors, you never know when we might need each other. And if you find yourself frustrated, red-faced and angry and out of patience with the whole thing, do as my Treasured Mother says," Sit down and count to TEN". Keep your ears to the ground. The 10th Amendment is rumored to be the Big Issue in 2010 and the rumbling has already begun, particularly if that lawsuit goes foward in South Carolina.
Ugh! my Treasured Mother is right! I gotta sit down and count to 10! I inTENdto stay positive.
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL FIRE DEPARTMENT.
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Sunday, December 6, 2009
Santa Claus is Comin' to Town!

Dear Fellow Villagers:
Well, we barely gulped down the last of the left-over Thanksgiving turkey sandwiches, when we became urgently aware that the Christmas/Hanukah/Kwanza/Ubangi Stomp/Rahmadan/Merry Merry Mistletoe and all that is in full swing! I, myself, fell into the hypnotic, holiday haze and, within a blink of an eye, I brought home a wonderful Noble Fir Christmas Tree, lit it, decorated it and basked in its beauty.
And then, as if scripted by Holly-wood, the snow came and the pastures were covered in white...(mostly sleet really, but that's a minor detail). NO GLOBAL WARMING in my immediate view.
Our wonderful Main Street in Our Beautiful Village, is adorned with wreaths and bows and you can catch the glimmer of Christmas tree lights through the windows of the houses as you drive by. You can sense the anticipation in the eyes of the children, curious and excited over what Santa will bring this year. (In some cases, if anything...).
Even if Santa does arrive, no need to be fast asleep as he comes down the chimney. You won't recognize him. As I am told, he will arrive, sporting some beach shorts and tank top. Oh, and that big, fluffy, white beard, gone. Just too hot! Ya might not want to stand in line for your little ones to sit on his lap this year because he's gonna be all sweaty and probably not smell too good. And really, why traumatize any child to sit on Ol' St. Nick's hairy legs! All this GLOBAL WARMING has altered the North pole and Christmas as we know it may well be in jeopardy, on many levels.
First off, I hear tell Santa availed himself to the Cash for Clunkers deal and swapped out the old sleigh for a new SUV; (Santa's Ultimate Vehicle). No ice, no sleigh. The reindeer are out to pasture, hoping for a bail-out. Even Rudolph's nose has gone "green". Isn't there a Czar out there somewhere that can turn this thing around? Poor old Bing Crosby must be twisting in his grave at the thought of his eternal treasure of a Christmas song being changed into "I'm Dreaming of a Green Christmas"!
Just who do we think we are that we can question the forces of nature, let alone substantially alter them? The planet Earth has been around longer than all of us, except that old man that hit my car, and it seems to have taken care of itself without help. I don't recycle and waste my time with bottles and cans and paper; that's what dumpster divers are for. Besides, if I were going to recycle, it would involve a plastic surgeon and anesthesia.
Well, I suppose I have sufficiently stuffed my stocking with enough cynicism for now. I'm going to go back and stare at my Noble fir, have some hot chocolate and pet my Dawg.
Have a wonderful Holiday season! And even though they say we are afflicted with Global Warming, where I come from, you can leave your hat on!
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Monday, November 16, 2009
FINGER LICKIN' GOOD:

Now, I've been around a while. I've seen things I can't even begin to describe. But here now, I am flat out struck back and am truly considering that the collective insanity going on is my cue to exit.
EXHIBIT 1: There is actually a movement to re-invent the dinosaurs, by way of the supposed genetic creatures, found through DNA, with chickens.
First off, we are a Village of People Respecting Chickens. I would prefer that they not be scientifically morphed into Dinosaurs. Imagine the horror of the sweet Main Street Chickens, for which we all paused as they crossed, turned into repro-dinos! Not Happy!
They say they can alter the chicken gene to avail them to larger claws and a substantial tail; larger teeth and a most unpleasant nature. Talk about FOWL PLAY!
Not to put too fine a point on it, but might we consider:
Are these DYNO-MITE Chickens/Dinosaurs gonna eat us and our little pets, or can we get creative and figure out how to BBQ these queer beasts.
Think of the crossing signs on Main Street; CAUTION: DYNO-CHICKEN CROSSING. And God help the poor soul hired to feed these creatures. You'll have to search far and wide to find a Vet to tend these beasts. What if they multiply? Who will risk their life to neuter such a creature?
This is a mistake. And folks need to stop monkeyin' around with this kind of thing.
What's next? Bringing the dead back to life? No.
Let sleeping Dinosaurs lie. And leave those poor chickens alone. It's like " Here Chicky -Chicky, Come meet Herman, your Monster, He's gonna change your life!"
I'm square out going vegetarian.
Enough.
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